It’s NOT all about you.

Now, for an only child like myself this is crazy hard to admit, but it’s really not.

Recently I had a huge-ass can of aggro-sauce opened in my direction and I made the situ all about me. I took full responsibility, felt hurt and upset and almost tripped over myself apologising for things that were actually not my fault.

The thing is, and this is both super-challenging AND super-powerful, is not to take anything personally.

Here’s the deal.

You have to take responsibility for what’s yours, if you fuck up, you do whatever you can to make it better, but at the same time you need to stop taking on and making other people’s crap about YOU.

We are all totally accountable for our own behaviour, emotions and reactions. At first, when the aggro-sauce – the words of anger and spite – came at me, I was initially hurt and wanted to lash out, shout expletives and revert back to playground tactics. Enlightened I am not, but reacting in an angry childish way would have sucked me right into the negg-o space being created. The outburst was not about me, it was about the person who’d opened the aggro-sauce. It was their pain, suffering and unhappiness and when I realised that, I was able to come to the situ from a place of acceptance and compassion.

One of the four agreements in the aptly titled life-changer o’ a book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, is to know that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do about you, life and well…everything, is a projection of their own reality, their own life experiences. We’re not $100 bills, not everyone is going to dig on us. We’re also human beings, we fuck up and we do our best. But don’t let other people’s bullshit burst your bliss bubble. Work on the basis that the opinions and actions of others are actually none of your business. You’ll save a whole lot o’ needless heartache, and you can simply concentrate on sending out love stuff, dropping delicious bliss bombs and doing good awesome shit in the world.

Whilst I don’t have a swivel-y chair, surely a 10 year diet of Pop Idol &; The X Factor makes me somewhat o’ a musical aficionado, non? I couldn’t tell them if they had a wobbly falsetto, but I do know that when they play You Raise me Up they’ve got a killer sob story. The Voice though? Well, it’s kind o’ different. Well it has Will.i.am for a start and I have got a mad-crazy crush on him. He’s a kooky nerd-boy who happens to be a song-writing genius, my most favourite o’ boy-shaped combinations. Anyway, I digress. Did you see Saturday night’s show?

Jaz Ellington became the final artist to join Team Will.i.am. And in case I wasn’t crushing super-hard already, after Jaz performed, who ’smashed it’, btw (it’s what you say when someone is all kinds of acecakes on these kinda shows, y’know.) Will.i.am said: ‘I’m going to speak from the heart right now. My gut told me something was going to come that was absolutely spectacular and along come you.’

Not only is the dude some kind o’ musical genius, he’s now my go-to guru for spiritual advice too. His fellow judges were encouraging him to hit his button for a previous act, but he listened to his gut, held back because he knew awesomeness was still to come, and scored himself, what I’d like to predict in my role as kick-ass sofa judge, the winner.

I’d like to say I’ve always lived my life this way, but I’d be totally lying. I’ve known that when I do follow my gut, listened to my inner GPS system, amazingness happened. I’ve also known that when I didn’t, when I went against that gut feeling, life went kind o’ wonky and wrong, but I did it anyway. What can I say? Some lessons you have to learn the hard way, right?

Anyway, last year, I made a pact with myself to follow my gut in ALL areas o’ my life. If I had big decisions to make, I’d place my hands on my solar plexus/super-cute Buddha belly and simply tune in. It’s not failed me yet. In fact, life has never been sweeter. People have come and gone in my life because of it – some sad, some liberating, I’ve had to deal with messy shit from previous decisions made with my head and not my gut, but I HAVE dealt with them, and amazing x 100000 people, opportunities, adventures and experiences have appeared in my world because I tuned in, listened to my intuition and acted on it. So, in the words o’ Will.i.am, ‘as a lesson to everyone on the planet, follow your gut.’

High fives to that, hotster.

Oh, and if you didn’t see it, you NEED to check this dude out. AMAZE. (Is it wrong that when Will gets super-emo, he wrote Ordinary People, I crush on him even harder?!)

http://youtu.be/DC_hg4XF9GI

Samantha, a blonde Brit-girl who is living in France, declared to the world, ‘I’m pretty. And sometimes it’s quite difficult being me.’

So, what’s the fuss? There shouldn’t be any fuss right? Except there was. The backlash to her feature in the Daily Mail has been crazy-ridiculous, with thousands upon thousands of comments, most of which were blood-spitting and kinda evil. Even worse, most of the comments were from fellow members o’ girlkind.

So, she wrote an entire feature about how beautiful she is, and how other women hate on her because of her looks, but what’s the real deal with the vitriolic responses?
Is she really egotistical? Maybe.
Is she a nice person? Who knows?
Does talking out about how she feels other women’s reaction to her prettiness make her totally hate-able and bad person? Not in my world. But if the comments on the feature/twitter/facebook are anything to go by, thousands upon thousands of women would disagree with me.

The thing is, these women are doing everything  to prove Samantha right about her fellow sisters. A huge chunk o’ the backlash has involved women questioning whether Samantha Brick is actually pretty, and how dare she have the audacity to say ‘I’m pretty’ out loud. This makes me all kinds o’ sad.  I don’t know Samantha Brick. She could be crazy egotistical. A total bitch. Alternatively, she might be devastatingly charming, cause boys to declare ‘I heart you’ from the top o’ buildings and turn girl-kind a deep shade o’ envy-green.
Who knows?
I’m a size 18, not conventionally pretty, yet I get told on a regular basis by both boy, and girl-kind, that I’m hot. Now I’ve shared that with y’all, does that mean I love myself? Too freakin’ right it does. Does it make me a bad person? No.
There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, wrong with declaring you’re hot to trot. We should be waving freaking pompoms for this declaration o’ self-love, whether she’s pretty or not. FYI: who gets to decide that anyway? And why do the people who commented on the Daily Mail feature even care?
If she thinks she’s hot, surely that’s cool, non?

It’s a fine line between cocky and self-assured, this is factuality, but all the time we hate on super-confident women and declare them ‘bitches’, we are just continuing to perpetuate this societal myth.
It’s bullshit.
If Samantha’s  only crime is daring to say something she believes to be true about her experience in the world, then lock us both up and throw away the key, because that’s how I will always roll. And whether she and I would ever actually be friends, whether she’s a bitch or she isn’t, hating on her for not hating what she sees when she looks in the mirror is total bullshit.

I’d love to know what you think about this – either leave a comment below or on the SASSYology facebook page…

Raw. Food. Detox.

These are not words that would have EVER entered my vocab over a year ago, but since setting off on my ever-so bumpy road trip to health and well-being, I am LOVING investigating all the delicious options available to help a girl in the world.

Enter Saskia o’ Raw Food Freedom.

This girl kicks ass. Probably harder than most what with her being so super-strong from living a raw food lifestyle and all. Now, the concept o’ living on total raw food scares the living beezubz out o’ me, but thanks to Saskia, she eliminates the fear factor and shows raw food phobes like me what is do-able in a totally do-able way…

Come meet her. She’s raaaaaaaaw-licious.

How did you discover your love stuff for raw food and its ability to change lives?
I originally became interested in raw food back in 2005, but it took me another 3 years and a life-changing car accident to actually motivate myself to really give it a go. I was going through life feeling low on energy, high on stress and lacking in self-confidence when the most profound event of my life happened. I was on road trip in Argentina with my mum and two of my sisters when our car rolled, killing one of my sisters, breaking my other sister’s spine and putting me in intensive care. After the accident all I wanted was to learn to love myself, to be deep-down happy and healthy and to help others do the same. When I discovered raw food I felt so alive and happy, physically, emotionally and spiritually, that I knew I had to teach others about this self-empowering, life-affirming way of eating.

For raw food phobes like me, you have a programme of wonder, tell us about it…
It’s called ‘6 Weeks to More Energy & Loving the Skin You’re In’. The programme is a guided raw food detox for busy women who want to re-energise, de-stress and increase confidence. 6 weeks of high raw shopping lists, menu plans and recipes take all the brain-ache out of eating super healthily. Weekly telephone coaching means you feel confident and supported as you discover raw food and experience the amazing mind, body and spirit results of this deep cleanse. It’s a practical programme for real women who want to reconnect with themselves.

Why do busy women need this more than most?
As a busy woman you’re usually trying to juggle work, domestics and family, leaving no time for yourself. It’s easy to think ‘I have to keep going’, but this nearly always ends up in burnout and a feeling of complete disconnection from what you really want in life. You use coffee and sugary foods to give you energy and a glass of wine to relax you, comfort eating instead of sticking to a healthy diet. This actually depletes your energy even more, fogs your brain and makes your moods erratic. None of this helps you when you’re trying to fit a million and one things into your life. Busy women need to know about raw food more than anyone!

What are the benefits of both the course and eating raw food?
Eating a high raw diet boosts your energy and gets your skin glowing. You become less stressed as your blood sugar levels balance out and you become nourished on a cellular level. You begin to love your body as you get closer to your natural weight. Aches, pains and nagging illnesses that you’ve had for years often disappear. ‘6 Weeks to More Energy & Loving the Skin You’re In’ is an amazing gift to yourself because you start to nurture yourself from the inside out. The programme gives you structure, accountability and support to eat super healthily for 6 whole weeks. It’s phone and internet based so you can do it wherever you live, and you get confident about making raw food in your own kitchen. All you need to get started is a knife, a chopping board and a hand blender or equivalent!

How do we sign up?!
You can find all the programme details and book at www.rawfreedomdetox.com
If you’d like to discuss whether the programme is right for you then I’d love to talk to you! Book a complimentary telephone consultation with me here www.rawfreedom.checkappointments.com

FYI: This is not an affiliate programme, I don’t get freebies or money back for pimpin’ Saskia. I think she rocks and I love what she does and thought you guys would dig on her too, ‘k?!! I know, I’m literally the gift that keeps giving, right?

She had a tendency to over-use the phrase ‘girl-power’ on her recent stint as an X Factor judge, but she was feisty, spoke her mind and was real and very raw, some o’ my most favourite qualities in a girl.
Now, I kinda missed all the media hype around a ’sexy-time’ clip starring the 23-year-old that surfaced last week, but I didn’t miss the ensuing barrage o’ abuse from tabloids, bloggers and general public who all thought that it was totally okay to brand her a ’slut’.

Other celeb-girls who have found themselves in an ‘ exposed sex video situation’ have generally hung their heads in shame, commenting on how sorry they are, or how disgraced they feel and lay low ’til they can start to rebuild their media-flawed reputation.
Not Tulisa. She responded with this video:

High freakin’ fives, Miss T.
In this crazy, media-led world we live in, there’s a chance that anything we record, private moments or otherwise, may somehow appear online, but as Tulisa points out, she has done nothing wrong and has nothing to apologise for. A dude she trusted and was in total love stuff with, turned out to be a douchebag, let her down and shared something that she thought was private and would remain so.
Naive? Maybe.
But as far as I’m aware, that does not a slut maketh.
In fact, I think it makes her pretty freakin’ awesome.
We might not film it, but we all have sex.
It’s not dirty, it’s not a crime. I’m pretty sure a fair few of us have probably trusted people we shouldn’t have too, right?
The Guardian are hailing her a new hero o’ feminism, now I don’t know about that, putting her on a pedestal means that at some point, she can be knocked off of it, all I know is, that by being real, speaking out and not sitting back and accepting the name calling/abuse/judgement, Tulisa is totally showing us all how to stay in our power, especially in really challenging circumstances – and for that g-friend, I salute you.

When the beau and I met I was writing it, I think he found the idea of dating a writer-girl kinda hot. ‘Cept, I wasn’t really writing it.
I was procrastinating.
I could talk about it all day long. I could go into crazy amounts o’ detail as to why it NEEDED to be written. In fact, I did everything EXCEPT write the freakin’ book.

The beau used to ask ‘how’s the book coming along?’ and I’d shrug and say ‘yep, it’s coming.’
‘Cept it wasn’t.
I had a head full of ideas, books full of hand-written notes, not only for this book, but for the next 3 books in the series, in-depth summaries of each chapter, interviews with AMAZING women – really amazing women, but still no actual finished manuscript.
It’s not like I hadn’t done this before, I’d written 10 of my own books, and various other titles as an author-for-hire, but SASSY was proving a rather difficult book birth.
Last summer, the beau stopped asking about ‘the book’ and instead of book writing, I spent ten weeks working at a job I didn’t love.
FYI: There is nothing like doing something that’s NOT your purpose, to get you totally clear about what is.
In the space o’ 3 months, I finished the book.

Basically, based on my SASSY concept, I developed a book-writing plan that involved me aligning my powers o’ SASS – Spiritual, Authentic, Sensual & Sensational – to make shit happen. Yep, be prepared, when you read the book, there’s a HUGE chance you’ll become an Action-taking Annie, in fact I’d put money on it.
Yep, the idea for the book itself, gave me the tools to finish the book – how freakin’ crazy is that? It flicked my writer-girl switch to ‘on’, I got focused, made a daily date with my writer-girl self and I finished the freakin’ book.

I got confirmation from the publisher yesterday, that now all the edits are done, it’s officially in production, which means in 6 months or less, SASSY: The Go-For-It Guide to becoming Mistress of Your Destiny, will be a real-life book o’ wonder available for you to read, love, sleep with, doodle in, lick. Delete as applicable.

The moral of the story? You’ve got to make shit happen. Talking does not make your big, beautiful dreams happen. It’s all about the action, baby.

What dream are you currently not making happen? What step could you take today, no matter how small, to start the ball rolling?

Do it. Do it now.

To be sure you don’t miss out on all the book news, competitions, new website awesomeness – it IS happening, I promise. Web-girl and I are currently creating a whole lot o’ badass-ery you’ll HEART – and general SASSYfication, if you haven’t already go like the SASSYology page on Facebook, pronto.

Are you reading this through splaid fingers, wondering where on earth this feature is going? Are you pleading with me to review my favourite lipstick or bore you with my ongoing love stuff for Take That’s Gary Barlow? Anything’s got to be better than vagina talk ,right?
Wrong.

It’s no surprise that we can’t talk about ‘getting it on’ with ourselves when we usually mouth the words ‘down there’ while pointing in it’s general direction. Our place of pleasure, our genitalia, our vulva, our clitoris, our vagina is the area that shall not be named, and by not naming it, we’re basically saying it doesn’t exist – how sad is that? This is the most beautiful jewel in the treasure box of a woman, yet the only names we can come up with are pussy, mini ha-ha, flu-flu and va-jay-jay.

Personally, I use the Sanskrit term, Yoni, I think it sounds sensual and delicious and positively love-filled, don’t you?
Thing is, if we don’t name it something we love, how on earth are we going to show it love? And that is a real SASSY super-hero-girl power – knowing that you have insta-access to pleasure at the flick (or touch, or rub, or stroke) of your pleasure switch. Your clitoris, your very own pleasure button, which literally has no other function except to give you delicious feel-good pleasure – seriously, if ever there was a reason to be a girl in the world, that’s got to be it – is not to be ignored, it should be positively celebrated.

Which is why I am so excited about the latest creations from JunkItLove, yoni pendants.

These truly beautiful designs are made by a goddess, for goddesses. Each Yoni has its own story to tell, and arrives with a description of what the artist was thinking when she made it for you…Donna Carter, creatrix o’ these items o’ beauty says:

“…It is such a pure pleasure to be making these pendants, imagining the women who wear and love them gives me huge joy and a feeling of sistershood, of non porn sensual sexuality . I love being a woman!”

They’re £27.50 and available at JunkItLove

The one above is mine, and I’m endlessly touching, rubbing and stroking it. LOVE.

Your yoni is your source o’ both power and pleasure. Get to know it, show it love. Honour the fact you’re a gorgeous woman who totally owns your goddess-girl power. Because you are, and you should.
Fact.

Now say it proud, I LOVE MY YONI!

So, yesterday morning I couldn’t sleep. I love a routine, my muse? Not so much.

Which is why, at 4.30am I found myself watching Oprah – who I freakin’ ADORE – interview Tony Robbins, he of big body and even bigger teeth. He’s also known as THE dude in personal development. Did I mention he was hulk-like? The dude is a freakin’ machine. I’ve been to one of his seminars, and he’s on stage for up to 11 hours at a time and he’s amped, and you’re amped, and you’re clapping and whooping and shouting ‘I’ really loudly, the energy is all kinds of high frequency vibin’.

Anyway, I watched the whole Oprah thing and I always dig her, and I still dug on him, but something he said, rang so loud for me that it was almost deafening.

“…If you want to take the island, burn the frikkin’ boats…”

Now, I am soon to be married to a viking-type (I did mention that we’d got engaged, right?!!) who is  very much of this warrior thinking, but me? Well, I like comfort.
I know what I like, I know what works and I rarely deviate from my favourite lipstick – Barry M no. 52, my favourite chocolate – Galaxy and my favourite colours – pink and black.  There’s something rather warm and comfy about doing what we know, isn’t there?  It’s safe, we know it, it’s got us to where we’re at now, right? But does it serve us? Does it help us serve others? Can we stay in that place if we want to start revolutions, make a difference, live a kick-ass life?

No.

Tony Robbins, in all his big-bodied awesomeness, reminded me that if I’m going to really step up and step out in the world, I’m going to have to sail to that island called the life o’ my pink-tinted dreams, then, when I get there, I’ve got to burn the frikkin’ boat. Cut loose from the comfy zone and commit baby, commit.

This is hardcore. Once that boat is burning, and you feel the heat from the flames, there’s no going back. All you can do is move forward, forward towards newness and I’m not going to lie, I’m petrified. I’m excited too, but mostly I’m scared.

It means:
taking risks.
less talk and more action.
having absolute faith in your awesomeness.
trusting your instinct.
being led by your heart.

Did I mention commitment? It takes a truck load o’ that too.

I’ve just stepped foot on the island that is the life of my pink tinted dreams. On this island I am married to the most beautiful, big-hearted man, our relationship is nurturing, fun, loving, sensual, hot and supportive, I’m healthy and glow-y, I eat clean food, I’m creating words o’ wonder for love AND money, the books I write rock. Hard, my business starts revolutions amongst lady-kind, my friends are inspiring, loving, understanding and totally rocking in their worlds too, there is play – lots o’ play – and life is fun and flavourful, in fact, it tastes pretty darn delicious. There’s a part o’ me that wants to turn back – the part that asks questions like: What if life can’t be this good? What if I’m just not good enough to pull this off? What if I fuck it up? – and jump right back on that super-sturdy boat that got me here. But I can’t because, last night, under the beautiful light o’ the full moon, I committed, I lit the match.

The boat is burning and there’s no going back.

“…Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You…”
- Dr Suess

At the weekend, the beau and I took a road trip along the coast to Brighton, one of my most favourite places here in the UK, and as well as reading books under a blanket on the beach, eating the best banana split EVER in the American Diner, and watching the sun do that thing it does at the end of every day in the most beautiful o’ ways, I had a tarot reading. She was good and I was rather taken by her, but something she made a point of telling me, that really struck a chord, is that in order to appreciate, and fully embrace my life, I need to do it my way, I need to Do Me.
Now, I’ve been starting to dabble in the doing of me, without apology, for the last few years, and I like it. A lot.
Other people? Not always.
Society? Not so much.

For me, Doing Me, both in work and life, involves treading a muddy path in killer heels, sometimes literally, mainly because I’m a big mass o’ contradictions. I want to accept myself and change myself, I want to be taken seriously, but take myself less seriously, I want to be organised and focused but allow myself to play and dream big dreams too. As well as this inner-conflict, friends, family and society don’t always make ‘doing you’ an easy task either. As I’ve flown my very own Lisa flag – spoke out, tried new things, stepped up, stayed under the duvet on days when I should be doing something else, changed my mind, wore interesting ensembles – it’s created everything from worry and concern to envy, annoyance and ridicule.

For some, doing you will be super-inspiring, they’ll get the biggest buzz from the positive vibin’ you’ll put out from doing your thing, and doing it your way – whether it’s in work, your attitude, the outfits you wear, the way you speak, the way you live life. For others though, it will force them to take a look at their own situ’s, which can sometimes be uncomfy, it can make them envious of what you’ve got and what you’re manifesting in the world, or for some, you’ll be so far removed from anything they now understand, that they’ll result to ridicule and judge-y behaviour.

Thing is, what other people think of you and your actions is none of your business. Doing you will piss people off.  It will also absolutely totally inspire people too. I’m not saying it’s easy, stepping up and stepping out will always provoke reactions in others. It also means you’ll mess up and you’ll make mistakes too – I know I do, ALL the time -  but when you’re doing you, both in business and life, you’re 100% real and taking full responsibility for the awesomeness that is YOU – High bloody fives to that!

When I talk about self-love in the books I write, and the workshops I give, it will usually start with cutting yourself some slack, not being hard on yourself, and instead, lavishing yourself with all the lovelinesss you absolutely, positively deserve. But what do you do if a filled-to-the-brim bubble bath and king size bar o’ chocolate don’t cut it?

You go deeper, g-friend.

Y’see, s’far this year, no matter how many bubble-filled baths I had, despite the fact the man I love has asked me to be his forever girl, or how many burly-girl performances I’ve taken part in, lovin’ myself has been harder than usual. I didn’t get it. I was being nice to myself, I love the skin I’m in, so what was the deal?

I had shit that needed sortin’.

So in the last month, I’ve dealt with some big, icky bills that were attached to a past relationship, which well…I’d been ignoring. Not on a conscious level, but, because of their reminder to my past, I’d locked them away, literally, in a storage unit. l’ve now dealt with them – hurrah! And to celebrate, built a big-ass bonfire and burned all the paperwork, along with all the photos from that relationship, in a beautiful letting go ceremony with the beau. Letting go of the past to make room for my beautiful new love-filled future – it felt freakin’ incredible.

I’ve been doing some AMAZING spiritual learning ’bout myself. I’ve worked with the gorgeous Kay Gillard who, not only shares my love for old-skool addidas gazelles and The Longpigs – ahh 1996, we miss you – but is a lipstick-wearing, shamanic healer o’ awesomeness. The girl is incredz. I wanted to know myself, as in REALLY know myself, I wanted to know why I did the things I did, the things I KNEW I did, but didn’t like. The work we’re doing together has blown my mind – I feel like freakin’ She-ra. ‘Cept brunette. The girl rocks. Hard.

I’m part o’ the most kick-ass girl-gang ever. Every other Monday, we meet on line, and our leader-girl Corrina Gordon-Barnes hosts a virtual business class, ‘cept it’s not a boring snoring business class, it’s a fun, inspir-o class with crazy-assed amounts o’ learning. I used to say that I’m not a business-y kind o’ girl, and that I was just playing at it, but now I know that playing IS my work, and I can make, do, be, write AND create a delicious flow o’ money too – hurrah! These girls will be totally responsible for the SASSY domination that will reign supreme in the months and years to come.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that your shit doesn’t go away. No matter how pretty the handbag you choose to carry it in. So if you’re on a mission to truly love yourself, then you need to deal with it. Face your fears. Head on. Today, is a leap day, we’ve got an extra day to do something awesome for ourselves – do you know what I did? I got up, and drew a self-portrait where I was totally in love with myself, then stuck it on here for the world to see. I’m putting myself out there, literally.

What are you going to do?

(Just so you know, if the beau hadn’t proposed to me in oh la la land – what? Had I not mentioned that I was engaged?! – then I was totes going to propose to him today, I know, how thoroughly modern, right?!)