So, I’ve joined a gym.

Now, this might not seem like a big deal, but it was the most scariest thing I’ve ever done. Seriously.

I’m a dress size 20 and exercise and I are NOT friends.

I need you to know that I’m totally cool with being a size 20, however, since discovering my endometriosis, getting healthy is my number one priority for the future, and seeing as I LOVE to eat, I’ve joined the gym. I know, no one is more surprised than me, that’s for sure.

Each Wednesday, I’m going to be posting about my gym experience – don’t worry it’s not going to be a boring snoring ‘do these exercises’ kinda feature, no, I’ll be covering all the bits about going to they gym that people don’t talk about: excessive sweating and how to deal, what mascara to wear without smudging, is a spin class really for you, what clothes to work out in if you’re over a size 12 and have wobbly bits, getting changed in communal areas, and how to avoid making eye-contact with the mirror-muscle boys… and that g-friends, is just for starters.

So, lets start with the whole ‘getting started’ deal: The beau is a gym bunny, so when he offered me a 2 week free pass to try it out, I thought ‘do you know what? I will!’ You know how it is, it doesn’t matter how many time you’ve failed in the past, you continue to have those flashes of hope that this time will be different. Maybe it won’t be a struggle, maybe I’ll actually like it.
FYI: I did NOT like it.
Not the first two times I went anyway. In fact both times, I came out and bawled my eyes out. I could only do 5 minutes on the cross trainer and 6 on the walking machine. I was a big sweaty mess and it felt like, compared to everyone else in there, I had a gazillion stone to lose.
But let’s re-wind. I’d never been to a gym before. They were intimating. Full of already-fit people in skin-tight lycra barely breaking into a sweat. Pah. FYI: This is true, but I’ll tell you about them later…
I also had every excuse under the sun NOT to go.
“I don’t want to get sweaty…”
“I’ll have to wear baggy clothes…”
“I don’t want to get changed in front of other people…”
“I don’t want people to judge me…”
And if I’d have known what I was getting myself into, I probably wouldn’t have gone at all, but I’m giving you the heads up on this because you need to be prepped, because walking through the front doors was the hardest thing. It’s like ‘fessing up. There’s no more excuses. Luckily, despite being a crazy fit gorgeous gym-bunny, the receptionist was really bubbly and friendly too – I had to practice all kinds of restraint not to dislike her wholeheartedly, and if she was thinking ‘woah, what’s the fat girl doing here?’ she did a REALLY good job of hiding it. She showed me around the gym, which, I’m not going to lie, was a bit daunting but not nearly as daunting as it could have been – I go to an out-of-town gym so it’s probably not quite as swanky as some, she showed me the changing rooms, which were communal and made me have a mini-freak out and the pool, which would involve me wearing a swimsuit – not cool.

My fat-girl programming kicked in BIG time. It filled my head with a gazillion escape routes, excuses to get out of it and reasons not to do it, but I checked myself…It took me nearly an hour to re-frame each thought, especially when every single fibre of my being wanted to leave, but I did it. I re-framed my thoughts and I walked right into that gym space and got on a cross trainer. I walked out again approximately fifteen minutes later in tears, but that doesn’t really matter, because, I’d given it a go.

Now, how I ended up going a second time is beyond me, it was as if I’d wiped the nightmare of my first gym experience from my mind entirely when I went and did the whole thing again 2 days later. This time though, I had a mini plan o’ action:

- I wore my gym clothes to the gym – it saved me faffing on arrival. (more on gym clothes next time…)
- I didn’t wear my contact lenses – I’m short sighted, so without them, I couldn’t focus on how skinny/toned everyone else was – it really worked!
- I made a kick-ass playlist – there’s only so many times you can listen to freakin’ Alexandra Burke on the gym music channel – I’ll share some of my playlists with you over the next few weeks – they mostly involve Vampire Weekend, because I love them. A LOT.
- I tried a few different pieces of equipment so I didn’t feel so bad for only being able to do a few minutes on each.
- After my shower, I got changed in the toilet. I know it might be frowned upon, but seriously, there’s never a queue when I come out and while I’m not crazy shy ’bout my body, I’m not comfy getting my white bits out in public, that’s all.

I still cried when I left though, it could of been the emotional release you get when you exercise, it might of been the fact that I was continuing to challenging my fat-girl programming, it could of been because it was bloody hard work and well…I wasn’t used to it. It might have been all three or none of these things, but all I knew for certain was, I wasn’t giving up, no way. This gym lark wasn’t going to beat me.

I’ve been going for four weeks now – I can do 15 minutes on the cross trainer without stopping, I’ve discovered I’m a bit kick-ass at boxing – must be my council-estate upbringing, my workout is now 55 minutes long instead of 15 and sshh, don’t tell anyone, but I actually enjoy it. Well, a li’l bit, at least. Not the idea of going – gosh no, that sucks, but once I’m there, plugged in and getting my sweat on, I don’t altogether mind it, I’m also changing shape too. I don’t weigh myself as I’m not really into that, but I’m definitely seeing a shape-change in my hips and tummy, I’m also toning up the bingo wings too – who’d have funked it, eh?

I’ve tried and tested lots of techniques, equipment, meditations etc. in the last four weeks to keep me going too – I’ll be sharing those with you, I’m going to have a session with a personal trainer which I’ll tell you all about – if he shouts at me, I WILL walk out and I’ll let you know how it’s changing me as a person, not just in my body shape, but in my health and well being too…

Love and dumbells x