I never realised the importance of the saying ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’ until the very end of last year. And ask, I certainly had at the beginning of 2009.

My list read a little like this…

I want to be a success as the head of a lingerie brand
To finish my novel
To write for a fashion publication
To find a boyfriend who is nice, funny and passionate but who also looks after me as an equal
Maintainance of a body that is pleasureful
Health that is healthy
A smile that laughs consistently
and finally – phew! – to meet new people that are genuine, inspiring and honest, whilst maintaining the friendships I already have.
 
I didn’t know if any of it was going to happen, but I wanted it to and I was willing to take whatever action was necessary for a success-filled 2009.
Nothing, however, could have prepared me for the joys, the sadness, and the changes that occurred in me as a woman in the space of a year. 2009 was a year of honesty and truth for me, even if that truth, cliché as it sounds, bloody hurts sometimes.

For a girl that works off of lists consistently – I love the satisfaction I get from crossing out and accomplishing a task – my cosmic order was something only Superwoman could rival. Which is why this year, 2010, is much simpler, because if 2009 taught me anything, it was that I needed balance, to find contentment and to just ‘be’. Having had no ties anywhere since I left home at 18, and flitting from place to country to men to drinking establishments as a serial escape artist, escaping from myself and my dysphoric depressive episodes, it became clear that this was the major thing I needed to give myself time to get over if I was ever to gain anything on my cosmic wishlist at all.
 
Coincidentally, it was the un-delivery of the first wish that pre-empted the journey towards this balance and the rewards I received at the end of the year. It doesn’t surprise me now, that my first wish was career orientated as this was my driving force and my lust for life, but when it went tits up, in my heart of hearts, I knew I had to re-evaluate what I really wanted.

What I really wanted was not to work 18 hour days, not to live for Friday pub nights where I could pass out drunk, not to cry all Sunday and then get up on Monday and try to be happy and stoic because my job was so satisfying. I love the creation, the energy and the admiration I have for beauty, and this is why I was so deeply hurt when it went wrong, but over time I realised that the passion still exists, just in different forms, and it was only when I began to appreciate these forms and open myself up to them, that other things on my cosmic wishlist came to fruition.  
 
Filled with enough ideas from my own experiences, I am writing two books, and although I don’t work for VOGUE, I get to work with, and be inspired by, amazing women on The Sassy Minx, and blog about their fabulous creations as opposed to writing about dresses that I can’t afford or that won’t fit me.

I came back home, with a huge swallow of my pride, to my family and accepted love and help, I felt grounded with my real, genuine friends who are honest and nurture me with their love, and also make me a better friend not only to them, but to the new people I greet in life and in my travels to amazing places. In this, I have given up fair-weather friends and people that drain me with negativity, as this is not something I can have in my life if I strive for a healthy mind and body. Which, FYI, I have finally got to grips with now.

Resting up is something I have become exceptionally good at, and I am able to watch TV without working on a laptop, go to a pub without having a drink, and not obsessively worry about my weight, as I treat my body with kindness in the form of home beauty treatments and weekly gym action so I feel confident.

And as for the boyfriend…Well, in the December of 2009, I got him. Exactly what I asked for, exactly as I wished, proving that Cosmic Ordering on New Years day in Paris, was in fact, magic. I’m still riding the waves of last year’s list so I don’t feel the need to write another just yet, but everyday in my heart, I am being open to those wishes and granting them myself.
 
So whilst it’s late for the New Year’s deadline – I’m being open to rules, here’s to being open to breaking the rules, and here’s for asking and being open to the things you need – not want – for yourself, anytime, anyplace and anywhere.

If you need a li’l help with your own Cosmic Ordering, check out The Cosmic Ordering Wish Book. This inspir-o diary builds on the success of Cosmic Ordering for Beginners and provides you with the daily inspiration and keys that you need to bring your wishes and dreams into reality.

Each day has an inspirational thought or instruction and Barbel has marked times in the diary when she will be tuning in with people and helping them bring positive transformation into their lives.

£7.99 www.hayhouse.co.uk